So its been about 2 weeks since I been able to blog let alone be online. I've been busy!! So I finished up my summer class, and then went down to the Cape to help my gf and her family help move up to Orlando. I thought it would take a weekend and it took more like 10 days. But I'm not complaining. I enjoyed spending the time with her and getting to know her family more. I got to know them more in the last 2 weeks then I have in the last 2 years! Her Mom is soo funny, and her gma Mimi is a crazy, loving and funny old lady. I've really started to like her family. There are time when I dont like the things they do, but all in all there are good people. Not to mention they FED ME!! OMGosh did they feed me! lol.
Moving wasn't so bad. There were times we wanted to just give up we'd be soo wore out!! And they have a LOT of stuff, but it was kinda cool.We packed and lifted so many boxes and then moved and unpacked em lol. I got to see old pictures of my gf when she was lil. OMGOSH they were SOO cute. No wonder why she is so beautiful now. I love her so much! I hope things get better between us. I HATED losing her. And yea there are a lot of shoulda woulda couldas I could say but now we are together and working it out.
Other then being with my Babygirl for the last week (which was great) I had my friend Sam's cat. Camo Kitty Chleo the Special Forces Cat lol. She is a sweet heart but was a handful while trying to move. And we found out that my gf is slightly allergic to cats. Thats another reason why we are dog lovers. I want to buy her a lil dobermin pincher as soon as I have the money.
Money that a whole other thing. I don't have ANY. Im soo broke. More then broke. I am trying to scrap enough together to try and pay for school, I know I wont have enough. Even with my loans. If I don't get that ROTC scholarship I will probably only be able to go to school for the fall and in the spring I will have to go home and work... try and save some money or go to FGCU. I just dont know
Well thats about it for now. Life is just, well.... Life. I got to take what life throws at me.
relationshipsSo I've been trying to read everything I can find on couples in the military. Not just one but both people. There are about 84,000 military-married-to-military couples in the United States armed forces. These days, it seems that more and more married couples are joining the military together, or -- very common -- falling "in love" in job-training or during the first assignment, and getting married. In my case we fell in love a long time ago... So, what trials do these couples face that aren't faced by a military member married to a civilian? Does the military guarantee to assign such couples together?
Well heres the deal, Military Couple face alot more then civilian couples....and no the military doesnt guarantee anything EVER.
This is what I am looking at. Being in a relationship with someone I adore. I love my Boo Bear!! And I am very proud that my baby is an amazing Sailor for the United States Navy!! And I am about to 'try' and get a 2 year ROTC scholarship that will require me to serve as an Army Officer for 4 years. What are the challenges ahead for us? Well lets start with the basics....
1) First of my baby is already face overseas time right now for a good 2 years.
2) If I do get this scholarship, I will be God knows were myself
So with that seeing each other will be hard for the next couple years
3)Also we are in 2 diferent branches so we will most likely not be stationed near each other let alone on the same base
Ok now the complicated stuff
1) There are issues (you would know if you read a previous blog) with me joining the military in the 1st place, yes everyone knows i love the military but me joining does make a few things complicated.
2) Me and my boo well arent really allowed to be together, so we live a lie to a lot of people. But i think that is are smallest issues considering we are good at it.
Well no matter what I do have faith. I know we have our hard times, but i also that we have something stronger then most. I know that we can make it. And yes I know we broke up for a few months but we were both thinking about each other the whole time, we just didnt know what else to do. I really think that we can make it work. Its going to be a bitch!! but no one ever said life was a walk in the park right?
I love ya boo
I just happen to do it almost everyday of my life. And today is one of those days.
Im questioning a lot of things right now... like if school was the right choice, if I can accutally graduate, if im as good as I think I am in the things that I do. Can I really pass LTC? Can I survive the Army?? Be a good Officer? Should I just say FUCK it and embrasse my lower middle class, blue collar life that I grew up in and just go be and Iron work?? I always loved watching and hearing about my mom and Grandpa. Now my brother is doing it too. Im happy for him but Im afraid he might do something stupid and black mark my family's name. But anyway. Why am I the way I am. Why do I have almost NO respect for myself, or any self confidince.
I feel like Im never going to be good at anything, let alone great. All I want to do feel good about who I am, where I am, and what I do.
I need more faith...
((God... Please help me, Show me the light I once had. I know that you have not turned your back on me but I turned on you. I know I make many mistakes, I know thats all I do. But I want to live a better life. I miss having you in my life, I miss that light I used to be filled with. Please Lord, Please Help me. Your heavenly name I pray))
Alex
As you know, l'm quite keen on comic books. Especially the ones about superheroes. I find the whole mythology surrounding superheroes fascinating. Take my favorite superhero, Superman. Not a great comic book. Not particularly well-drawn. But the mythology... The mythology is not only great, it's unique. Now, a staple of the superhero mythology is, there's the superhero and there's the alter ego. Batman is actually Bruce Wayne, Spider-Man is actually Peter Parker. When that character wakes up in the morning, he's Peter Parker. He has to put on a costume to become Spider-Man. And it is in that characteristic Superman stands alone. Superman didn't become Superman. Superman was born Superman. When Superman wakes up in the morning, he's Superman. His alter ego is Clark Kent. His outfit with the big red "S", that's the blanket he was wrapped in as a baby when the Kents found him. Those are his clothes. What Kent wears - the glasses, the business suit - that's the costume. That's the costume Superman wears to blend in with us. Clark Kent is how Superman views us. And what are the characteristics of Clark Kent. He's weak... he's unsure of himself... he's a coward. Clark Kent is Superman's critique on the whole human race.
^ That really gets ya thinking doesn't it??
So after going up and down, for months and back and forth. Its finally starting to level out... Or at least one thing is.
I know in the past I wrote about me "questioning" whether I wanted to get back with my ex or not. But everyone knew that I was just angry. Yes I will admit (cause there is no point in lying to my own blog) there were times when I thought that I didnt want to get back with ex cause my ex had a new girl friend and then i tried to go out on a few dates but non of it felt right, I kept thinking about my ex. And there were times that we were soo nasty to each other and I cried and yelled and just got soo angry. But I realized that I got so upset cause I cared so much. You just don't stop loving someone after 2 and half year. And I know I am not innocent in this whole thing I was a bitch and all that too and her just as upset.
BUT NOW!!!
Things are starting to get better between the 2 of us! We've been talking and stuff and working on us for the last few weeks. And its been gonig well. Then the other night we got back together!! And yes i was told that is was on a shaking foundation BUT I hope we can build a rock foundation. I really hope things work out for us. Yes we both have a lot of work to do, and we both still have growing up to do. But I think if we work hard and communicate we can make this work. I really want it to work.... Well thats it for now.
I miss you Boo! I love you and I pray nothing but the best for the 2 of us!! We can do it!!
Alex
SO my roommate likes to remind me of certian qualities I have. She likes to call me a loser, a nerd, a dork... ect ect. and its really getting to me. Im always wrong around her and i should always "just shut up" around her. What is that B.S??!?!?!
Yes I like computers, video games, and politics and history I like talking about stuff like that. Sorry. I didnt know that made me a loser, cause I dont like drinking all the time, or being mean to everyone. Whatever I just needed to vent a lil. Her jokes are just not funny, especially when I feel like im the butt of them all. Don't get me wrong she cool and everything but sometimes shes too much to handle
Last weekend was one hell of a weekend. It was a lot of fun even though it had its moments of not so fun things. Friday was planed to be a good night. My roomate, me and a friend planed on going to my favorite dancing spot in Tampa. Well our friends was being retarded and bail so I invited 2 other friends (which should have been invited from the begining...but that a whole other story). But my homies still had to drive 2 hours to get here. But I convinced them to come but then my roommate got sick. So the "plans" were all messed up but in the end 3 of us still went out and had a great time dancing and joking!! I loved it.
Then came saturday!! My roommate and I convinced my 2 friends to come up again on saturday to come chill, see a moive, and spend the night at our place. Also I got to see a friend of mine from Florida Southern that I haven't seen in MONTHS!! Megan B. is my bestest friend, she is more like a sister to me. She stopped by in Tampa on her way home. We sat for a few hours talking and talking. It reminded me of the old days. I miss those day. We even made Mac and Cheese lol. Mego I HEART U 4 ~> 
. My homies from the Cape came up and got there right as my roomie got home from work so the 5 of us (me, Mego, my roomie, and my 2 homies from Cape) all chillled and hung out for a while. Then Mego left to go home and the rest of us Hit the movie. We saw Baby Mama which was funny!! I love Tina Faye! After the movie we headed back to the house and drank a little. The down side of the night was I got into a HUGH argument that night with my ex but it did open my eyes to alot of things. Even though things are still rocky I think alot of things came to the surface that really needed to come up. I hope we can work things out.
Sunday Morning my friends left and logan went to work which left me at home for a while. BUT Logan and I decided to drive down to Cape after she got out of work to see them, we crashed at my house that night and since monday was mermorial day we didn't have class so I hung out in the Cape and she to Naples. We met up later and just chilled. It was a great long weekend!!
Alex
God I'm sitting here with tears down my face. And I want just want to say that I know that there are more people out there that probbly have MUCH bigger issues but that doesnt mean I'm not confused, upset and still crying.
Me and x have been trying to talk and try and work things out. But its not going well. We can't seem to meet eye to eye on any of our issues. Im just so torn and heart broken. Its all just so muh for me to take at once. One on hand I just don't think its going to work out because we just seem to get over the past. The thing is this... When we met, I was about to enlist in the United States Army. It was something I always wanted to do. I decided against it so the 2 of us could go to college. Well My ex got kicked out of the out cause they wouldn't break up with me so my ex's parents took away college. Then we were going to join the Navy together and I changed my mind and didn't cause I wanted to go to college and do ROTC like I did in High school. Well my ex beame a sailor and I went to school, I got out of Navy ROTC as soon as I got to college. when we broke up 5 months ago in January I decided to join to up like before, because I need to find a away to finish paying for college and I feel and need and duty to serve my country. Well I told everyone about it my ex flipped! And is still really upset about it.
Theres more going on and just right now I just don't know what to do about it all. Should I keep trying to work things out? Should I just be friends? Or should I just forget my ex completly?? I really really really want things to get better and work out! Rawr!!!
Any Suggestions?
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. Nevertheless, he will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
Why the early bird gets the worm;
Life isn't always fair;
and Maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 -year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Tylenol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by his three stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
have you ever felt like you were going crazy? Well right now my head in full of everything and I can't stop thinking. I feel like Im going crazy
My mind has been going back and forth from my school life to my family, social, love, work life and everywhere in between. Im stressing myself out!!
I hate money, but thats what makes the world go round in my lifetime. I've been trying to get a job and every one I talked to said that weren't hiring or that they would be in a few weeks. But I need a job NOW! I hate not being able to provide for myself. I feel, worthless, lazy, and miserable.
My social life well the small one I have is alright. Been trying to make new friends, its kind of working. Still can't figure out why some olds one won't talk to me. I miss my close friends that I could really talk to. I dont go out much 1) no money and 2) no time with school. But I try to just chill with my roomie who is super cool!
My family life? well its family, They drive me crazy. My dad disgusts me, my bother uses me and pisses me off, my mom tries to control me, lies to me and makes me sad. My sis well not to bad, I feel bad for her most of the time. Sometimes i really think taht i was switched at birth! I'm the lil joke of the family even though I think I am the one whos been the most sucessfull in life.
School is well hard. My classes require more and more of my time. My classes get harder and harder. But I enjoy them. Sometimes I question on wether i made the right choice but Im pretty sure I did. I'm nevouse about this Army ROTC thing but excited at the same time. I really want to do well. I know I have a fear of failing anything but especially that. I will just want to try my best
Love life wow is that a crazy one. Money stresses me out more but relationships is what I think about most. See my ex wants to work things out with me. And I would like to too. I miss being with her, we had great times. But things were rough. She doesnt know how I felt most of the time and thats my fault but I felt like I was never good enough or I always did something wrong ect ect. What should I do??
For some reason I go through tese phases where the outgoing person that I know I am become a wall flower. Meaning i retreat into myself. I doubt myself and make myself depressed. And when things like money, relationships, friends, school, family and life in general gets thick like this I let it all soak into my head and it get stuck there.
I wish I could just tell EVERYONE how I was feeling and talk to them all, but for some reason I just keep my mouth shut and go on trying to make them all happy.... What about me? I want to be happy too
